Letters I've written...
Never meaning to send. More and more I'm thinking I should be the one in charge. I'm getting really sick of being right all the time...and no one noticing.
There's a reason for everything, sure, but when a tree falls on your house, your computer crashes, your place of work goes bankrupt, and your best friend (or someone you thought could be) deserts you...
...It can be tough to see the upside.
But I know it's there. It's out there. And it feels so very close. Where is it? A book? Archery lessons? Match.com? Someone tell me!
I'm supposed to be this way. This is all leading to something. I would have hoped something earth-shattering, maybe a small, happy family, or even a mutant power or two. In my wildest dreams, immortality. I'm not even joking.
But maybe it's something else. I honestly feel like I'm the only one who sees the world for what it is. Endless opportunity and love and pain and success and failure. It's wonderful. And the amount of things yet to come...I can't wait to see it all.
Yet, when it comes to me? Am I just going to exist, never settling on any one mode of thinking, a single passion? I don't understand people who say they've always wanted to be something. "I've always wanted to be a marine biologist." What the fuck are they talking about? How is that not settling for something you're comfortable with?
I want to be able to say "I love you" for once.
Spur of the moment decisions have their place.
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